Plan for Life

Ask yourself a question. Do you know what you want to do for the rest of your life? Do you have a plan? Do you have the shadow of a plan? Is it on the tip of your tongue? Do you have a dream job, a dream career? Is it realistic? Or maybe it isn’t a job. Maybe your dream is to have a family, to be a stay-at-home mom or dad. Just make sure you have a dream, because if you don’t, then what’s the point?

I’m in college right now, at UC Santa Barbara. I love it here. I love my major. I know what I want to do for the rest of my life. Well, I have an idea of what I want to do. The specifics haven’t been worked out quite yet. I want to be a psychologist or a therapist. I know I want to sit down privately with someone and improve his or her life in any way I can. I want to give people peace of mind, self-understanding, and life management skills. I want to be on top of the research in my field and help apply it to people’s clinical mental problems and life issues. I know what I want to do. I know who I want to help. I want to help couples with marital problems, dysfunctional families, people suffering from eating disorders, college students acclimating to being on their own, grieving men, women and children who have lost family, friends, and close partners. These problems are close to my heart. I am a child of divorce. These days, that’s not such a rare thing. Almost 50% of marriages end in divorce. I have also been struggling with serious body issues. I have lost loved ones. I have friends who have lost loved ones so close to them that it’s like a part of them has died.

Psychology Tangent: William James, a 19^th century psychologist, philosopher, physicist, etc, once said that we have as many social selves as we have people with whom we interact. We act differently with our parents than we do with our friends, or at the doctor’s office, or in a lecture hall. The point is that those people with whom you are very close actually become part of who you are and if they leave your life or this life, part of you feels like it’s gone. It’s interesting…

So I know what I want to do. My friend Marie also knows what she wants to do. Marie wants to be and has always wanted to be a teacher. She used to want to be a math teacher and switched to wanting to be an English teacher at the end of high school. She is an English major and plans on getting her teaching credentials after undergrad. My other friend here, Kat, has changed her major multiple times, starting with the School of Explorers as Anthony likes to call it, or it’s more widely accepted term Undeclared. She wanted to be a translator and learn a bunch of languages. Then she wanted to be a doctor and switched to Biology. Then it was Philosophy. Now it’s Environmental Studies. I personally think that this choice suits her much better than the others. She’s very environmentally active and wants to work for the Peace Corps after college. I truly hope she sticks with this choice and is happy with it. On the other side of things, my good friend Gemma is (or was the last time we talked) entirely lost. She wanted to be a doctor and now… well I don’t know. It’s only our second year of college. For those of you who are stressing about your major, it’s not time to worry. I’d say keep up whatever you’re doing, even if it’s hard right now, and look to the future. You’re grade in Chemistry does not define your path; you define it. If you have a plan and fire in your hearts, you’ll get there.

 

I’m very excited to be on my path. I’m on track. I’ve passed many mile markers. I did well in high school and got into college. I’ve been doing well in college, quickly finishing each requirement for my degree. I even added a sociology major and French minor to the mix! Anthony and I are talking seriously about our future, about him being in the Navy and how we can work with each other around our separate dreams. Thank goodness our dreams converge on each other. I’m excited to start the next phase of my life with him. I can’t believe I only have two more years of college! The first half went by so fast… 

Outer Beauty

There are many things that I don’t like about myself. They extend from the vain (my legs, stomach, teeth, skin) to the not-so-vain (my jealousy, impatience, judgmental nature). I say time and time again that I’m going to work on these things. I never really do. I’ll start to work on one of them, then I get bored or I give up, and sometimes give in to temptation to do something completely counterproductive to my goal, like picking at acne when I want to reduce scarring. Duh! That’s the complete opposite of what you’re supposed to do. But it’s a nervous habit that I’ve been trying to quit for the longest time. I actually made it one of my New Years resolutions. Have not been successful thus far. Big surprise. I’ve also been trying to be more patient with people. Sometimes I’ll have to repeat myself several times over the course of days or even weeks when one of my friends forgets certain pieces of information about myself, where I’ve been, etc. It’s not their fault they weren’t there to hear it the first time and it’s not even their fault if they forget it once or twice. I do the same thing and they don’t snap at me for it. So my impatience can be a destructive thing sometimes, to my friends, to myself, my stress level. My impatience and my skin are just two examples of things I’m trying to improve.

This blog is about Health, Wellness, and Beauty. I’ve mostly just been talking about the “wellness” portion, emphasizing my body image issues as well as stress relief and self-esteem in general. Now I’m going to talk about beauty for a bit. Beauty, for me, can be split between inner and outer. They are both important, if not equally so. We should all strive for a realistic, attainable beauty. No. I will never be a stick thin 5’10” green-eyed, blonde bombshell with a perfect tan and perfect teeth. And that’s fine. Do you notice anything wrong with that description? There is nothing there that alludes to personality! You know how in Homer’s epics “The Odyssey” and “The Iliad” the gods have epithets like “wise Athena” and “brave Aries”. I don’t want to be “blonde bombshell” or even “red-headed bombshell”.  I want to be that “feisty red-head” or “hilarious Heather”. I want my epithets to include not only what’s on the outside, but what’s on my insides, too. (And no, I don’t mean my gorgeous intestines or my slightly irritated liver…) Not only do those blonde bombshells, like my good friend Alexandria, have outrageous outer beauty, they’re gorgeous on the inside, too. Everyone is! 

But I kind of went off on a tangent just now. The point I was trying to make is that we should all strive for an attainable outer beauty to match our inner beauty. This entry is about my personal outer beauty. I used to think I was ugly and disgusting and undesirable. But then I got my first boyfriend, Anthony. After that, my whole outlook on my body changed. Someone desires me therefore I must be desirable. It was flawless logic. And to this day, it always makes me feel better knowing that someone thinks I’m sexy and attractive. But at the same time, shouldn’t I think I’m sexy? I shouldn’t depend on someone else to bolster my self-esteem; I should agree with it, too. So I’ve been on this journey, this challenge to turn myself into someone I think is sexy. It became detrimental to my mental health and well-being, because my idea of what I thought was sexy wasn’t attainable for me. So I was chasing this elusive concept of what the perfect Heather would look like. I did lose weight and my skin got a bit better and I tried multiple hair colors. I changed what I wore and how I did my make up. I read more fashion magazines and Internet advice. It became an obsession of mine. And as my outer beauty improve a little bit, I felt my inner beauty diminishing. How interesting could a person be if all they think about are their looks?! Honestly! And Anthony would remind me time and time again that he’s not with those beautiful bimbos for a reason! All they think about is fashion and makeup and how many calories they’ve had today. So not attractive. It’s took me a long time to realize what I was becoming. It really hit me at the very point where I was on the verge of starving myself or even trying to “expel” the food I ate in some way or another when I saw how far I’d let myself spiral into this obsession. Of course, Anthony hasn’t given up on me. He sees that I’m struggling and is always there to help me or pick me back up if I relapse, which I haven’t done so far. I’m very thankful to him and to all of the people in my support network here at school and at home or even in Oklahoma (Love you Elisabeth!).

 

So it’s been a journey. Now, I’m here, trying to improve my inner beauty and striving to be the most beautiful on the outside that it’s possible for me to be. Guess what? I discovered the secret to success! It’s so obvious yet it’s easier said than done. Want to know what it is? CONSISTENCY!!! Yeah! I know I’m an idiot for it to take this long for me to realize this, but it has finally sunk in. Especially with skin problems, it’s so necessary to be consistent. Earlier in the week I started being more consistent with my skin care routine. I’ve been using Murad’s Exfoliating Acne Treatment gel 1-2 times a day depending on the dryness of my skin and coupling that with SPF 15 moisturizer and washing my face in the morning and night. I’ve been doing this all week, and it’s already started to work! What do you know? Also, I’ve actually been wearing my retainer at night all week, and using mouthwash and flossing daily! Did you read that correctly? FLOSSING! Think back to the last time you flossed your teeth. And if you’re like the rest of us, that was probably around your last dentist appointment. You should try it. It only takes an extra minute and you’d be surprised at how much cleaner your teeth feel afterwards, and how much nasty plaque accumulates after just one day! Mouthwash also feels surprisingly good. I’ve started looking forward to it. Yes, I realize that I’m an odd duck for that. The point is that I’ve actually been trying. If I want to look a certain way (and know that it’s attainable), I have to work at it. No one else is going to do it for me.

As for my current body image, I had a really awesome experience today, a couple of them actually. First, I wore a fitted t-shirt that I haven’t worn since my junior year of high school. It’s been almost four years since then. I only kept it for sentimental value. (It’s from when I went to New York City and saw Wicked on Broadway.) When I first bought it, it fit kind of tightly around my stomach and arms. Then it shrunk in the wash and barely fit me after that. I put it on today and it is significantly loose around the waste and fits my arms perfectly, not to mention my chest area. It was exhilarating to have tangible evidence that I’d lose weight and toned up. I was having an ok day before and it immediately became a great one. Also, I just got back from a Hip Hop Cardio class. I went to it for an assignment for my aerobics class. We were supposed to try a new type a cardio and see how our body responded. I think the point was that it was supposed to make us more tired to do something we’d never done before, but it was surprisingly easy for me. I barely broke a sweat. So that was also super exciting to know that not only am I fitter than I was in high school, or even just last year, but my body is versatile and easily adapts to new workouts.

In conclusion: Strive for attainable beauty inside and out. Consistency will get you results. FLOSS! And don’t forget to celebrate the little things!

Apples to Apples... to Pears to Hourglasses

I've always had this weird fascination with the official body shapes and sizes: Apples, Pears, Hourglasses, Tube... You see these categories in magazines for fashion advice all the time, along with petite, tall, and curvy...

What is "curvy" anyway? I get so frustrated about it. I always identified as curvy because I have curves. Makes sense, right? But no. Apparently, in magazine-speak, curvy means plus-size. It's a euphemism; it's politically correct. Like how they say "petite" rather than short while simply stating "tall" when they mean "tall"! It's it odd how these names for body sizes have negative connotations? When did being short become a bad thing? Why do magazines insist on using the pretty French word rather than being straight with us vertically challenged people? (Yes, I do identify as short, and I'm proud of it!) And also, what if I'm short AND curvy, but not plus size? Can I still wear that cute dress they recommend for short people or will it not flatter my waist properly? Ugh! It's so silly and trivial, yet I still read these magazines. I still follow the advice they so kindly recycle every few issues. 

Like I said... weird fascination. I'm constantly trying to fit myself into a category so that I can better understand what clothes will best fit my figure and what to avoid. I know that I'm short, um pardon... petite, because I'm 5'2" and when shopping for jeans, the regular size usually will extend so far over my feet that I feel like I'm a child playing dress up with mom's clothes. I know I need to wear skirts that end just above my knee and I have to buy jeans that specifically say "short". - Huh. I just realized that it's alright for my Levi's brand jeans to print short on the size tag, but not acceptable for magazines... interesting. - I also had the understanding that I was an hourglass because my waist is significantly smaller than my bust and hips. But no! According to my actual measurements, I'm off by an inch. I'm actually a "tube," which by the way is a boring name for a body type. It means that I'm the same size everywhere. Yay. 





Whatever. These things are really not important in the grand scheme of things. I'm just obsessed with categorizing and organizing every aspect of my life, including my body. I won't even start my rant about my confusion about face shapes and what that means about the hairstyles and make up techniques I'm supposed to know and use. The point is, it's time for me to throw these titles out the window. What is my body type? The Heather body type. What does that mean about what I should and should not wear? Absolutely nothing. I'll wear what I want and what I think looks good, to hell with what my magazine has to say.