Apples to Apples... to Pears to Hourglasses

I've always had this weird fascination with the official body shapes and sizes: Apples, Pears, Hourglasses, Tube... You see these categories in magazines for fashion advice all the time, along with petite, tall, and curvy...

What is "curvy" anyway? I get so frustrated about it. I always identified as curvy because I have curves. Makes sense, right? But no. Apparently, in magazine-speak, curvy means plus-size. It's a euphemism; it's politically correct. Like how they say "petite" rather than short while simply stating "tall" when they mean "tall"! It's it odd how these names for body sizes have negative connotations? When did being short become a bad thing? Why do magazines insist on using the pretty French word rather than being straight with us vertically challenged people? (Yes, I do identify as short, and I'm proud of it!) And also, what if I'm short AND curvy, but not plus size? Can I still wear that cute dress they recommend for short people or will it not flatter my waist properly? Ugh! It's so silly and trivial, yet I still read these magazines. I still follow the advice they so kindly recycle every few issues. 

Like I said... weird fascination. I'm constantly trying to fit myself into a category so that I can better understand what clothes will best fit my figure and what to avoid. I know that I'm short, um pardon... petite, because I'm 5'2" and when shopping for jeans, the regular size usually will extend so far over my feet that I feel like I'm a child playing dress up with mom's clothes. I know I need to wear skirts that end just above my knee and I have to buy jeans that specifically say "short". - Huh. I just realized that it's alright for my Levi's brand jeans to print short on the size tag, but not acceptable for magazines... interesting. - I also had the understanding that I was an hourglass because my waist is significantly smaller than my bust and hips. But no! According to my actual measurements, I'm off by an inch. I'm actually a "tube," which by the way is a boring name for a body type. It means that I'm the same size everywhere. Yay. 





Whatever. These things are really not important in the grand scheme of things. I'm just obsessed with categorizing and organizing every aspect of my life, including my body. I won't even start my rant about my confusion about face shapes and what that means about the hairstyles and make up techniques I'm supposed to know and use. The point is, it's time for me to throw these titles out the window. What is my body type? The Heather body type. What does that mean about what I should and should not wear? Absolutely nothing. I'll wear what I want and what I think looks good, to hell with what my magazine has to say.