Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Kicking My Summer Blues Out the Door

My summer vacation was supposed to be the greatest yet. So far, it has not been living up to my high expectations. I've been working full time, which would be great if I actually got to keep my money. Instead, I have to save it for future rent and apartment stuff. Psh. Who needs a mattress?! Oh right... ME!!! Anyway, because I have been working so much, Anthony and I have not been seeing each other as much as we'd like and it's been causing problems. We're both very antsy and high strung. Disagreements come easily and way too often to be healthy for a relationship. We do the same thing all the time and are getting very bored. I haven't planned anything for my upcoming birthday on July 20th, which is SO unlike me. Typically, I would have started planning back in June or even if I'm super excited, the end of May! But this year is different. I've got nothing. I'll probably be working on my birthday and so will Anthony. I hope my day doesn't pass without recognition from someone, ANYONE! I may even wear a tiara and a ballgown to work just so someone will notice that there is something special about that day. Maybe I could tape a sign to my back saying, "It's my birthday. Give me a hug!" But that would be silly...

I've got the summer blues. I've been depressed a lot recently, prone to bursting into tears and/or rants, usually in front of poor Anthony, sometimes in front of Elisabeth. It's just not right. I recently made a decision to consciously stop complaining about my body in front of people anymore. I realized that it's not doing any good at all, for me or for my relationships. I used to think that it was good to let it all out and not let it rot away at my insides. However, I realized that the moment that negativity passes through my lips and into the real world, it has so much more wiggle room to infect my air and suffocate me into a pathetic comatose fetal position for hours. No good. No good at all. It has to stop. 

I'm going to work on myself more this summer. I've stopped complaining about my body to people. The negative voices are still in my head, but I've been reading a lot more books and it's so easy to forget about myself when I'm in a fictional world. I've also been working on my patience, at work, as a driver, and in general. I'm also trying to become less sensitive and less jealous. Those two personality traits have been the root of many an argument with Anthony. I know that it's alright to be a little sensitive if that's just who you are, but with me, it's ridiculous. It prevents people from being truly honest with me and I become unnecessarily upset at the smallest of things, which of course proceed to blow up in my face. Same with my jealousy. 

My emotional self isn't the only project on my list. Physically, I'm still working out. I feel as if I've lost some muscle tone this summer, but I'm working on getting it back. I'm trying not to let it upset me. I've been trying to improve my complexion, as always. I asked my mother for the Murad system for my birthday. I'll have to remind her, because she's probably forgotten, but that will hopefully help me when I start using it. I wear my retainer every night during the week and I'm using my mouthwash. I've been getting lazy about flossing, but I'll make it a habit again. My mental self is also a project. As I said earlier, I've been reading like crazy! I started my library summer reading program where I get raffle tickets for every book I read and if my name gets pulled, I win an e-reader. I already promised it to Anthony's mom if I win. I also started learning how to crochet. It's been slowgoing and I haven't picked up my yarn in a couple weeks, but I know I'll get back to it. I'm learning how to cook more dishes. I'm really excited to share my new recipes with my friends back at school! It's been so fun cooking for myself and my family. The dishes have all been really healthy and delicious. 

Currently, my social life consists of work (which doesn't really count), Anthony most of the time, Elisabeth some of the time, and my family hardly ever... There just isn't enough time in the day! And since Anthony and I have been having some issues, I really need to focus my time on making us better. So today I came up with a bunch of fun date ideas and I'm really excited to try them out! He and I really need to have some fun times to erase those recent disputes. Things are going to start changing for me. This summer can't be the one I look back on and remember poorly. I'm just not going to let that happen. This won't be Heather's Bummer Summer! Hopefully my plan works and the next time I write a blog entry, it will focus on how happy and relaxed I've been. Wish me luck! 

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